Why Take Responsibility? Who Is to blame?

THE CALABASH

Who’s to blame?

Written by Juliana

In a world based on relationships, partnerships and teamwork, one thing that can be easily thrown around is blame. It could be in romantic relationships or in business ventures, very few people are willing to own up to shortfalls and inevitable mishaps; 
But is there someone to blame for the vicissitudes of life?

Humans are social beings, and in as much as our social side has helped the species thrive on earth through collective innovation. It has also provided us, unfortunately, with something to point a finger at when things don’t go as according to plan.

Blame is often used as a self-justification tool. However, blame may be the only reason why you won’t move forward. When you find yourself constantly blaming, you are bound to be stagnant because as you seek to justify yourself, you shift the responsibility of fixing the problem away from your hands and opt to put it on someone else's head instead. 
Taking responsibility on the other hand is the first step towards positive change. Once you begin taking responsibility, you accept the mantle to change things around you for the better.

Who is to blame for love gone sour?

en.wikipedia.org

According to USCB estimates, the world population doubled from 2 to 4 billion between 1927 and 1970. Hardly 50 years down the line (April 2019), the estimated population has again almost doubled to 7.7 billion. 
There’s been a wave of ’pairing’ and ‘coupling’ swooping around the entire Universe. It seems like the magnetic attraction between humans is getting stronger day by day and opposite poles are certainly attracting.

Cupid is doing a great job? I'm probably not the one to say, but there definitely hasn't been a shortage of relationships. 

It is safe to say that the system is not broken, but some elements within the system are breaking apart. Who’s to blame?

Not all relationships are romantic, and neither are they all centered on human-human affection.  Some relationships are built on human-animal love whilst others are completely void of affection and are based on trust.

I wondered what shape the people in all these kinds of relations would take. Would they seize to become individuals and have their personal life engulfed by marriage or their courtship?

Would they lose their identity for a relationship’s sake? Would they become less of who they were as an 'independent' individual?

A simple answer to these questions: NO

Day by day people make heart-throbbing decisions in an attempt to please their partners or to justify their love or to earn the respect of associates. Many a time, you may be left drenched in your own tears after sacrificing time, energy and resources for people who eventually excuse themselves from your life. 

Some suffer heartbreaks and others painful losses when a relationship breaks apart. Such loss and emotional destabilization triggers the need to point a finger at someone for consolation.

Should the blame be cast on cupid’s arrow or should the blame be plastered onto partner? I think not.

To love is neither a waste of time nor is it something to regret. However, it always seems to be so after an wrecking heartbreak. 
However, this is the moment that truly defines one’s trajectory after a relationship. Some get stronger, whilst others either crumble or find themselves permanently stagnant, failing to move on.

Casting blame on the other half of the relationship will only make you sore and bitter. 
The more you point that finger, the more bitterness and resentment you feel towards the person. 

Resultantly, instead of moving on, you may become obsessed with whatever point of despair you were left in. 
This is why many people lose their way after a nasty heartbreak. Some may divert onto an unhealthy lifestyle, others may suffer great financial losses due to inefficiency whilst others may even have suicidal thoughts.

It is because you would have become so blinded with the thought of love lost, blame, vengeance, hate and bitterness such that you lose sight of the life ahead of you. The one you still have to live.

"We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future" – George Bernard Shaw

Life is about choice

You choose who to associate with, who to love and who to trust. Therefore, rather than shifting blame for betrayal, take responsibility for your choice of trust. Do not obsess over betrayal. Learn from the past for a more informed choice in the future. 

The mess you find you find yourself in is many times a result of the choices made. 
Granted one last wish, you would turn back the hands of time, and reverse all the choices you made in terms of trusting earthly creatures, both humans and animals.

Getting into a relationship is a choice. Breaking a relationship is also a choice, although it can be a difficult one. These are all personal choices hence it is not right for anyone to go around blaming parents, associates or friends for messing up projects or life-goals when it was your choice of association that came with betrayal. 
When they choose to move on, do the same and move on. You can't afford to spend the rest of your life steaming over a betrayal. Your life is precious.

RELATED: Tips To Make Positive Life-Changing Decisions

Who is to blame at your workplace?

Business is a whole different battleground for blame. This is because most business relationships are not as deep and shared as romantic relationships and therefore, many times everyone is looking out for themselves.

“The only way you survive in business is if you look after number one” is what most will probably say. That said, many may go on to shift blame for the sake of their own well-being.

Interestingly, the major difference between a superior and subordinate is the amount of responsibility in decision making. The higher you go, it seems the less work you do but the more the responsibility you take. This is because responsibility is the highest office for progress.

When you want progress, stop pointing a figure. Rather, accept that a mistake was made and take the responsibility to correct the issue.

Why take responsibility?

As has been mentioned, responsibility is the first step towards change. When you don’t take responsibility, you will shift blame as you try to remove yourself from the arisen pickle. Once you’ve separated yourself from the debacle, your hands are tied and the issue will forever remain as is until someone else decides to tackle the bull by the horns.

Now, the major problem with avoiding responsibility is that it does not move you away from the problem. You remain drenched in it, albeit your eyes closed because you refuse to see a problem that is evidently present. 
Eyes closed or ears plugged, it does not make the pending issue any less a problem than it was a day or two ago.

"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today" – Abraham Lincoln

"All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you" – Wayne Dyer

Beau Taplin once said, ”Home is not where you are from, it is where you belong. Some of us travel the whole world to find it. Others find it in a person.” 

Finally...

l never found my home in a person, neither did l find it in a gigantic 3 storey glass house with a jet-landing space on the rooftop. 
No. I found home, my home-sweet home in dreamland. I developed a relationship with my sleep so that I avoid wasting my time over disappointments. Dreamland for me is a place where I can recollect thoughts, rest and regather my composure such that when I wake my decisions are not clouded by emotions. Unlike most people, the only relationship that has kept me going till present day is that with my sleep.

Relationships are good. You just need to define your relationships. It wouldn't cost a dime to create a relationship with the book on the top shelf of your library and neither would taking a thought-clearing jog around the neighborhood harm you.

What will it benefit you to spend half a lifetime trying to modify and upgrade yourself for the simple reason of ‘fitting into society'?  

You have a task at hand: Find your HOME. Find a place where you fit in. Decide who you want to associate with and don't compromise your values for other people. 

Choose to be yourself and own your life because just like Steve Maraboli, I believe that, “For most people, blaming others is a subconscious mechanism for avoiding accountability. In reality, the only thing in your way is YOU.”

Again I ask, Who's to blame?

By Juliana

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